I Want That Disease

Alien Hand Syndrome. Is it strange that I am jealous of people who have it?

I sure am sorry that I groped your breast. It’s just my alien hand – I have no control over it!

Sorry about punching you in the face mister! Damned alien hand again!

Oh I wrote a bad check? Goddamnit. Bad left hand! Bad Bad left hand!


Alien hand = get out of jail free. Mens Rea is important!

I suppose they could convict you of something that simply requires negligence to satisfy the Mens Rea element of the crime. Criminally Negligent Homicide or something. You should have tied down your sociopathic left hand! No cookies for you! But that would require evidence that the subject knew his hand was prone to violence. An isolated shotgun blast at the goddamned meter maid in the absence of any prior violent conduct – I’m pretty sure Saul Goodman could get you off the hook on that one.

Don’t get me started on the possibility of the yet undiscovered Alien Foot Syndrome. Speeding tickets. Hah. I laugh at your foolish speeding ticket!

Very truly yours,

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